I am tired and weary. This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I haven’t been turning towards Jesus. In fact that is the last thing I’ve been doing. Instead of running towards him I’ve been caught up in my sin. My sin, that reaches to the depths of my brokeness, that makes me feel so dark and filthy. For days I have been so consumed with this sin that it feels like I’ve been suffocating and that life has been taken out of me. My mind has been foggy and clogged and I’ve had no clarity. I woke up today in the midst of my darkness, turmoil stirring within me, still caught up in my sin. It wasn’t until later on today that God gave me a revelation; I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am going back home to the one who gives me life. Then the flood of peace and love came crashing over me like I’ve never felt before. It wasn’t guilt, condemnation or shame that I used to feel but instead it was grace and mercy. In that moment I got up, cleaned up, and opened up my bible.
I asked God where he wanted me to go and he lead me to Psalm 32:3-8 “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me;my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”And you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
God has given me songs of deliverance today. For the first time, I felt and understood the power of God’s grace. The ability to run back to my glorious Father’s arms today and feel his love. The love that is called Hesed, lovingkindness. This love that is unshakeable and incomparable overwhelms me. I have been awakened today. The fog has gone and clarity has come. I can now fully embrace the plan the God has for me at Texas State and step into my destiny to further advanced his kingdom. It feels good to be home.
Also buy The Undoing by Steffany Gretzinger it will change your life.